I got home from a band meeting tonight and found that in the four short hours I was gone, one of the tomato plants I have growing in an Earth Box had fallen over on its side. Upon closer inspection, I found a friggin’ slug munching on the base of the plant. After picking it off and grinding it into the cement with my boot, I realized that I know absolutely nothing about the life cycle and habits of the slug.

OK, I know ONE habit: munching tomato plants, but how the hell did it get there? The Earth Box is an outdoor hydroponic setup—totally contained, even down to the neoprene shower cap that completely covers the soil (except for holes for the plants to poke though). The beauty of the self-contained nature of the box is that one could grow things anywhere, even on the second landing of an apartment building’s cement staircase.

Which brings me to my question. Where the fuck did that slug come from? There was no slimy trail leading up the stairs, and anyway, wouldn’t climbing two flights of stairs take, like, two years in slug time? Having no empirical evidence, I felt like a medieval scientist trying to explain away things with magic, spontaneous generation and evil curses. Have I been beset by slugs because of my errant ways?

That’s gonna take a lot of stomping.


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