One Man’s Manifesto (Pt. 1)

Here, for your edification, are the first 10 points in an on-going examination of things I’ve learned in 46 years of living a pretty interesting life. These suggestions may or may not work for you. Contents may have settled. Objects are much, much closer than they appear.

#1 There is a line of energy from the center of the earth that travels through you and out to the stars. Stand up straight.

#2 Do not eat anything out of a vending machine. Ever.

#3 Original sin is a racket. Don’t take blame (or credit) for anything you are not responsible for. This makes you a dupe (or an asshole).

#4 Everything in moderation. Except meth—that’s just a bad idea all around.

#5 Sugar is poison. Use sparingly.

#6 Whisky, despite the name—water of life—is also bad for you. Slightly less moderation, however, is called for.

#7 Breathe.

#8 Only travel with folks who think it’s funny when you fart yourself awake.

#9 You aren’t drinking enough water, or Scotch, for that matter.

#10 Know how to drive stick.

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